staircasetotheclouds | moooore wonderland au

moooore wonderland au

[Oswin's not really sure how long she's been here. Days at least, because she quite clearly remembers stretching out on a ground softer than any bed she'd ever encountered to sleep under the stars when she absolutely had to, with the Doctor by her side. But then again, she's not really sure she cares how long it's been. This place is absolutely perfect, beautiful and lush and ever-changing. What could be out there that's better than in here?

She and the Doctor spend their days exploring Wonderland, this world that the TARDIS has created all for him. Maybe she thinks they can't stay forever, but Oswin's not too sure. She'd like to, definitely, to spend the rest of her life exploring this land with the Doctor, without having to worry about anything besides where they're going next.

But, they can't. And it's the TARDIS that knows this best. The universe needs the Doctor, and the Doctor needs his companion. And both of them need to leave at some point.

But, the Doctor needs his memories back first, which is why she leads him and Oswin to a darker part of Wonderland, the Tulgey Wood. As they stand before it, Oswin squeezes the Doctor's hand tightly, her gaze involuntarily raising to the sky, which has begun to cloud.]

...Onward, then? [Not that they have much of a choice, if those clouds are anything to go by.]

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[As they draw closer, what might have originally been mistaken as a decorative wooden fence comes into focus. What appeared to be baubles are actually human heads, mounted on wooden spikes and remarkably well preserved.]

No...

[The Doctor has gone completely white, eyes wide and horrified as he stares at the head of what must have been a particularly fetching redheaded woman in her day.]

Amy...

[It almost cracks Oswin's resolved, that pained whisper. And as she allows her gaze to travel to what the Doctor's seeing she gets another jolt.

She recognizes her. The Scottish woman that had been with the Doctor, the one who'd been fighting off the nanogenes. Amy Pond, Nina's wife, the Doctor's companion...

Her fingers tighten around his.] Don't let them see. [She hisses, glancing furtively at Mr. Clever ahead of them. They'll make it hurt even worse if they see the Doctor like this, and Oswin will definitely end up doing something regretful.] It's not real.

[Next to Amy is another familiar face, and the Doctor whimpers out Rory's name, starting to shake. One by one, he names every single one of the heads mounted on the gate. Jack, Donna, Adric, Jaime, Charley, Rose...

He's shaking, too pale and squeezing Oswin's hand too hard, but it's all he can do just to keep from falling apart. He blinks and fat tears roll down his cheeks. It almost surprises him to discover that he's crying.]

I couldn't save them. [His voice is a broken whisper.] I tried, I tried...

Shh. [Oswin's voice is as soothing and gentle as she can make it, given the circumstances. Given that there's enemies all around them now, and she's just waiting for Mr. Clever to turn and start taunting them.

As discretely as possible, she reaches up with her free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks, her thumb rubbing over his knuckles.] Shh, they're not real. [None of this is, not properly.]

It is, it is. [He's having trouble breathing again, the weight pressing down on his chest.] I killed them. A-all of them...

[Oh god, it's happening now. Oswin digs her nails into the Doctor's hand, gripping his hand just as tightly as he is with hers. She can't do anything, not with the soldiers surrounding them.]

...Not me. [But she's nothing. Just a tiny little blip to someone like the Doctor, but she is one life he's managed to get back. For the first time, Oswin wishes he did remember, if only that.]

N-not...? [He looks to her almost desperately, afraid and confused and needing some kind of comfort. He still walks, stumbling along, but it's unsteady and his breathing is loud.]

[She shakes her head.] Still here, aren't I?

[With one last glance ahead, Oswin presses up closer to the Doctor, unable to do much else to comfort besides with her presence.]

Edited 2013-10-12 07:27 (UTC)

Yes. [His voice is very quiet, and he seems to struggle with himself for a few moments before calming. It's not exactly a calm so much as...forgetting temporarily. Now isn't a good time or place. Those faces will undoubtedly come back to haunt him later.

As it turns out, the Red King is overseeing another execution, and Oswin and the Doctor are thrown into a dingy cell for the night.]

[They've got the night. More than enough time alone for Oswin to do some proper comforting without the soldiers or Clever overseeing. It's a relief to be out from underneath someone's watch, to be able to relax and let the reality of the situation sink in.

Once they're alone, Oswin pulls the Doctor into her arms, holding onto him tightly. He'll remember soon, that's what those faces were there for. If this is the last bit of time she's got, she's going to use it properly.]

[He's more than happy to sink into her embrace, holding to her tightly. He closes his eyes and relaxes for now. Amy's face swims before him again and he shudders.]

...I'm afraid. [He speaks in a whisper, muffled by her shoulder.] I don't want to hurt again.

[Oswin's fingers clench in the back of his ragged jacket and it's possible he might be able to feel her trembling faintly.

She sniffles, fighting to keep her own emotions under control.] ...I know. [Pause.] But you've got to. She'll keep making it worse if you don't, she'll...

[The TARDIS can be quite forceful when she wants to, and Oswin knows this. She takes a deep breath.] ...I'll be here. [Even if she's not going to be enough, especially after he knows.]

I-I... [She's right and he knows it, and he knows he has to get through this, he has to remember them, but oh, it hurts.]

I...yes. Stay with me.

[Because he can't do this alone.]

[She nods and he'll definitely feel her shaking now.]

...Wouldn't dream of leaving.

[He nods as well, letting out a breath.] She...it's alright...we'll be alright.

[She closes her eyes, taking a steadying breath as well. Oswin can't break down yet, she has to be brave. For him.]

...'Course we will.

[He opens his eyes. He needs her to help him through this, and he's concerned she's not quite ready.] Are you with me?

[Raising her head to look up at him, Oswin steels herself, exhaling quietly.

She nods, taking his hand and entwining their fingers.] Always have been.

[A small smile twitches at his lips.] Good.

[He closes his eyes again and lets the memories flood back, one at a time, remembering his Ponds. He takes in a sharp breath, fingers curling in her sleeve.]

[Oswin tightens her grip on him, burying her face in his shoulder.

After a bit of maneuvering, they're sitting on the floor against the wall of their cell, her curled up in his arms. It's started now, and there's nothing they can do to stop it, nothing they want to do to stop it.

Oswin winds her fingers into the fabrics of his shirt, clinging to it tightly. She's not the one he's remembering, but she'll do for now, until he remembers too much.]

It happened so fast. [His voice comes abruptly, shaky and thick with emotion.] They were there one minute and the next, I lost them.

[She peeks out before settling for resting her head on his shoulder.

Her voice is soft when she speaks again.] ...Tell me about them. [They'd only met briefly, after all, her and the Ponds. And maybe letting the Doctor tap into better memories will help. Memories that don't involve loss and death just yet.]

[Give him a moment to remember. Right now, it's difficult to think past the aching loss. When he speaks, it's slow, a few words at a time.]

Amy...was...my fairy tale Amelia. First face this face saw, and...I needed her. She was...my anchor.

[Oswin is unnaturally quiet as she listens, watching his face for anything. Any sign, good or bad.

She won't say anything, not yet. But she's listening, he can be sure of that.]

[He takes a deep breath before speaking again. It comes back a little at a time, memories one after another, and...it's sort of nice, to remember those good times.]

Rory...well...I wasn't so keen on him, not at first. But he turned out to be brilliant, really...really brilliant. No one was better at protecting Amy. Not even me.

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