moooore wonderland au

[makingsouffles]

[Oswin's not really sure how long she's been here. Days at least, because she quite clearly remembers stretching out on a ground softer than any bed she'd ever encountered to sleep under the stars when she absolutely had to, with the Doctor by her side. But then again, she's not really sure she cares how long it's been. This place is absolutely perfect, beautiful and lush and ever-changing. What could be out there that's better than in here?

She and the Doctor spend their days exploring Wonderland, this world that the TARDIS has created all for him. Maybe she thinks they can't stay forever, but Oswin's not too sure. She'd like to, definitely, to spend the rest of her life exploring this land with the Doctor, without having to worry about anything besides where they're going next.

But, they can't. And it's the TARDIS that knows this best. The universe needs the Doctor, and the Doctor needs his companion. And both of them need to leave at some point.

But, the Doctor needs his memories back first, which is why she leads him and Oswin to a darker part of Wonderland, the Tulgey Wood. As they stand before it, Oswin squeezes the Doctor's hand tightly, her gaze involuntarily raising to the sky, which has begun to cloud.]

...Onward, then? [Not that they have much of a choice, if those clouds are anything to go by.]

Comments

[mrcool]

It happened so fast. [His voice comes abruptly, shaky and thick with emotion.] They were there one minute and the next, I lost them.

[makingsouffles]

[She peeks out before settling for resting her head on his shoulder.

Her voice is soft when she speaks again.] ...Tell me about them. [They'd only met briefly, after all, her and the Ponds. And maybe letting the Doctor tap into better memories will help. Memories that don't involve loss and death just yet.]

[mrcool]

[Give him a moment to remember. Right now, it's difficult to think past the aching loss. When he speaks, it's slow, a few words at a time.]

Amy...was...my fairy tale Amelia. First face this face saw, and...I needed her. She was...my anchor.

[makingsouffles]

[Oswin is unnaturally quiet as she listens, watching his face for anything. Any sign, good or bad.

She won't say anything, not yet. But she's listening, he can be sure of that.]

[mrcool]

[He takes a deep breath before speaking again. It comes back a little at a time, memories one after another, and...it's sort of nice, to remember those good times.]

Rory...well...I wasn't so keen on him, not at first. But he turned out to be brilliant, really...really brilliant. No one was better at protecting Amy. Not even me.

[makingsouffles]

[She smiles at that, despite her fear and anxiety. It's Rory she remembers better out of the Ponds, the one she'd guided to safety and flirted with and teased.]

...How long were they with you?

[mrcool]

A long time. It's...hard to recall exactly. Years for them, but decades for me.

[makingsouffles]

[She takes a deep breath.]

And...what happened?

[mrcool]

[He swallows.]

They died.

[makingsouffles]

[Well, she figured that much.]

How? [Oswin hates to do it, to make him relive these memories, but he has to. For both of their sakes.]

[mrcool]

[He takes a deep breath and looks down, clutching at Oswin tighter.]

Weeping Angels. They...touch you, send you back in time to before you were born and devour the energy that your life should have been. [He has to pause, his voice choked slightly as he goes on.] Rory...it got Rory, and Amy couldn't bear to live without him.

[makingsouffles]

[That hurts to hear more than she expected, and Oswin seeks out the Doctor's hand with her own, squeezing it tightly.]

...They were together, then. At least. [Even back when they'd been fighting, she'd figured it wouldn't last. Sort of nice to know she was right.]

[mrcool]

I... [He's crying again, but he doesn't seem to have noticed.] I tr-tried to...get her to stay, but she just...she couldn't. And I felt...I felt like the most selfish person in the world, trying to keep her to myself.

[makingsouffles]

[She can do it properly this time, reaching up to wipe his tears away with her fingers.

There's a long pause before she speaks again and when she does, her voice is even softer.] She was your anchor. [Oswin doesn't blame him for wanting to hold onto Amy, for wanting to keep whatever was keeping him from going mad.]

[mrcool]

[The Doctor nods, biting his lip and looking down.] I...I kept...taking her places. They wanted to be done and have their life but I couldn't...I couldn't stop.

[makingsouffles]

[Not for the first time, Oswin has to wonder what would've happened if he'd been able to properly save her. If he'd actually wound up in a wrecked escape pod instead of a cell, and found a human girl waiting instead of...what really happened.

Oswin quickly pushes the thought from her mind. She can't change what happened, even if it would've been better that way for everyone.

She tightens her grip on him.] ...I'm sorry. [Sorry this had to happen, sorry she's had to drag all of these memories out of him. Sorry for what happened to the Ponds and sorry that she's kept his memories of her from resurfacing.

But they haven't gotten that far yet. Maybe they won't this time. around.]

[mrcool]

[The Doctor holds her close and closes his eyes again. She speaks but he hardly hears it. He's lost in a wash of memories, of River and Canton, Nefertiti and dinosaurs and...and...]

Oswin Oswald.

[makingsouffles]

[She stiffens in his arms, and they're probably close enough for him to feel her heartbeat kicking up a notch. There's a sharp intake of breath and a long, long silence before a strangled sob breaks past her lips as Oswin buries her face in his chest.

No, no, no, she's changed her mind. She can't do this, not matter what the TARDIS told her, it's just going to hurt again and she can't stop it and...]

[mrcool]

Oswin... [He remembers her. And there's a jerk of surprise as he remembers what happened to her.

But he doesn't push her away. Doesn't reject her.

Instead his arms wrap even tighter around her and he kisses the top of her head.]

I'm so sorry...

[makingsouffles]

[She just barely hears what he says, too wrapped up in the shame of the fact that her tears are coming unbidden now. Oswin hasn't cried like this in a long time, not even before when she'd been going mad at home without anyone to properly tell what had happened. Keeping things bottled up is what she does, but she'd never had a breaking point like this before.

Sorry, Doctor. Your shirt is going to be very damp once she's all cried out.]

[mrcool]

[He holds her close, and for the first time in a long while, he feels like himself again.

The Doctor murmurs soft reassurances and rocks her just a little, strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head.]

I've got you.

[makingsouffles]

[It's a long time before Oswin finally exhausts herself, her sobs dying down to the occasional sniffle. Part of her mind is reeling with confusion, given that the Doctor's still there and comforting her instead of pushing her away.

But there's another, stronger part that's more willing to just accept it for now. To curl up in his arms and fall asleep and pretend like she didn't just have a sobbing fit on him. She still can't look, though, afraid that one peek to the outside world will shatter everything.

Her voice is muffled when she speaks, small and uncertain.] ...Why? [It's the only question in her mind now, the only one she can think on hard enough to voice it.]

[mrcool]

Because you're the same human girl that saved my life as you were before. [He smiles faintly, brushing away her tears with his thumb.]

Because you're my impossible souffle girl.

[makingsouffles]

But-

[She leans into his touch without even thinking, blinking away the stray tears in her eyes.

The familiar nickname with an added touch makes her smile weakly, even despite the fact that she's still confused and hesitant. He wants her, that was...really not what she was expecting.]

[mrcool]

Shh. [He holds her and brushes a kiss across her hair again.]