staircasetotheclouds | (no subject)

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[Oswin's not sure how long she's been here.

The staff all call her Clara, because that's apparently the name they've got on file for her. Clara Oswald, diagnosed with acute visual and auditory hallucinations all centering around this Doctor figure she's obviously dreamed up. What sort of man, the doctors (the proper ones) ask, travels in a police box, of all things? How could she have possibly seen the wonders of the universe when she's been living here for years?

How could she have been transformed into another being when she's been perfectly human all her life?

They might pump her full of drugs, but when she's alert, Oswin is just as bright and crafty as ever, messing with every bit of technology and otherwise wreaking havoc upon the hospital in order to attempt to find some way out. Which is why she's normally kept heavily sedated. She's already given an orderly a nasty black eye and several others also bear marks attributed to Oswin's fury whenever the doctors attempt to tell her that her life, everything that it had ever been, was a lie. A dream, just like before.

She's curled up on a couch in the mostly-empty dayroom at the moment, knees pulled up to her chest and gazing longingly at the weak sunlight outside. The Doctor will save her, Oswin knows. He'll come for her and take her away from this place as soon as he can find her. She's not even sure how she got from the TARDIS to here, but he'd still be able to find her. He always did. And she refused to believe that everything she'd loved was all a lie.]

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[Oswin, or Clara, as he knows her, isn't the only one that's been told her life is a lie. Merlin's diagnosed with similar symptoms, though unlike Clara, he's already given up.

They tell him over and over again that Arthur Pendragon never existed. He's just a story, a myth from long ago, and though Merlin can remember him so well, remember the love he felt towards the king, remember the agony his death caused, it just isn't possible. There haven't been any proper kings in England in centuries, after all, and he can't have lived a whole lifetime and still be only in his early twenties. He remembers things that are impossible, so they must not be real.

He's a tired, worn out shell of a man, too old to be as young as he is.

But Clara understands, and so Merlin seeks out her company. He sits down beside her and looks at her after a moment.]

Hello.

[Oswin's head jerks up sharply.

That voice. She knows it so well, even if it's changed so much since she'd last heard it saying goodbye.]

Merlin. [Her voice is little more than a breath as she stares at him, eyes widen and stunned. He's the last person she expected to find in a place like this, but a familiar face takes the edge off her loneliness and fear like nothing else.]

You- [Wait. If he's here... Oh no. Oswin's face falls.] ...They've got you too.

[There's a part of him that recognizes her, but to acknowledge that would be to acknowledge Arthur, and Merlin can't do that. Not after this long of accepting that he never existed. That his life has been a lie. That he has no idea how he even got to this place or who his parents are or where he grew up or any of that.

And that frightens him more than anything else. So he pushes it to the back of his mind.

His eyes widen slightly when she says his name and he frowns at her words.]

I'm...here because I need help. [He speaks slowly, and if his words sound rehearsed, it's because they are. It's his mantra. It's what he says to himself whenever those memories resurface.]

[Her heart sinks and before Oswin can stop it, a lump's formed in her throat. So much for familiarity, for a moment, she's questioning if this is actually Merlin or just some...oh god, she didn't even know.

She reaches out to him hesitantly but drops her hand quickly enough to make it look like an idle gesture. The urge to give another orderly a good bruise is rising in her chest, but Oswin quickly swallows it and the lump in her throat.] What've they done to you...? [It's half to herself, and quickly she composes herself as best she can.]

That's what they tell me too. [Her smile is impossibly sad.] Never really believed it.

They've been helping me. [He looks down at his lap. There's something about her that bothers him but he doesn't let himself dwell on it.

She speaks again, and he looks back up at her.] I remember things that are impossible. [His words are sudden, rushed and quiet, and he looks around after he speaks like he's sharing a secret.]

I remember things that didn't happen. So I need help. To make it go away.

[She snorts derisively.] Helping's the last thing these people're doing. [For good measure, Oswin throws a contemptuous look over towards the single orderly stationed at the door. Luckily, he's distracted with something out the window.

Her attention returns to Merlin as he speaks once more and again her heart aches. They've broken him, these stupid, bloody doctors. Maybe in the same way they've broken loads of people trapped in here.]

...how d'you really know they didn't happen? Just 'cause they say so?

[Merlin doesn't even know what he's meant to do anymore. He doesn't know why he keeps on going, day after day. He just does.

There's a part of him that's still waiting for Arthur, his king and his best friend. He'll come back some day. Maybe that's why he continues on.

He shifts uncomfortably and looks back at the orderly as well, though perhaps for different reasons than Oswin.]

Because they're impossible, they can't have happened.

[Merlin's eyes meet Oswin's.] They say you remember impossible things too, Clara.

[Clara.

Her mouth drops open, her lips parting slightly as she gapes at him. Oswin can feel her blood running cold with just one word.]

Oswin. [She whispers hoasely, the witty retort about impossible things she'd had dying on her lips.] My name's Oswin.

[Merlin frowns and shakes his head.]

That isn't what they said. They said it's Clara.

[He trusts them, even if Oswin doesn't. Because if they've been lying...well...he just doesn't know what he would believe in anymore.]

D'you think I care what they say?

[Oswin instantly regrets snapping at him. It's not Merlin's fault these stupid, stupid people've crushed the life out of him for no reason that she can discern.

She looks away, pursing her lips and shutting her eyes tight for a moment. When Oswin speaks again, her voice is soft.] ...You liked my name, when we met. Said you'd never heard anything like it before.

[Merlin flinches when she snaps, cowering back as his eyes widen. No one's yelled at him in so long that he just doesn't know how to respond to it anymore.

He feels so lost. He's missing an important piece of him and these people have told him it never existed in the first place. He doesn't know what to do with himself.

There's a flash of memory when she speaks, but he shakes his head and presses his hands to his temples.]

N-no, I don't know you. That didn't happen, it couldn't have happened.

[His heart beats faster and he chants Arthur's name in his head with each beat. No, he's not real, he's not real.]

[Taking a chance, Oswin reaches up and gently pulls his hands away from his temples, waiting until he's looking her in the eye to speak again.]

Then how come we both remember it? [She saw that flash in his eyes, that brief recognition. Merlin's still in there, Oswin knows it.]

We're in a madhouse.

[He stares at her, almost pleading.]

We're...we're having the same delusions or something. It can't be real!

[The plastic cup in Merlin's hands explodes in his agitation and he stares down at the remnants in his lap, eyes wide.]

[The cup explodes and Oswin startles back a little on the couch they're occupying, her expression changing slowly from anger to confusion to a bizarre form of wondrous delight.

She breathes out a soft laugh.] You've still got it.

I haven't got anything!

[But the orderly has noticed what's going on by now. It's not long before Merlin is helped up off the couch by a gaggle of nurses and lead away with a simpering: I think it's time for your medicine, Merlin.

He looks back at Oswin with a mixture of confusion and desperation.]

No-!

[Oswin practically leaps off the couch, darting to grab Merlin's arm and drag him out, but just as quickly, one of the burlier orderlies is already restraining her.] Merlin! [She thrashes and struggles in his grip, but she's so much smaller and weaker.]

Let me go! [But he doesn't, not until Merlin's gone and Oswin's left alone in the dayroom again. Slumping in the orderly's grip, she presses her lips together against tears and doesn't let them go until she's been led back to her room.

Once she's cried herself out, Oswin becomes that much more diligent about finding a way out of here for both of them.]

[The next few days are rough for Merlin. The dosage of his medication is increased, a little too much, and he spends two days almost completely comatose before they change his dosage back to something he can function on.

They keep him in isolation for another week, just to make sure he's not about to have another fit, before they let him out to be with the others again.

But even then, he keeps to himself. He sits alone at a table in the lunchroom with an untouched tray of food in front of him and tries not to think about Arthur.]

[Meanwhile, Oswin's in and out of various therapies, shuffled from doctor to doctor depending on whoever's willing to deal with her sitting there in stony silence that particular day. She doesn't talk to anyone and the only acknowledgement the staff get are icy glares with something dark lurking behind those usually sparkling eyes.

Oswin doesn't take kindly to people hurting her friends, whether or not they remember being her friends at all.

They try to get her to talk. Mostly threatening with solitary confinement, but even that, Oswin can grow used to. It's not much different from normal, so long as she ignores the lonely ache in her chest. On most occasions, she tries to replace it with all her determination and anger. Maybe not the best coping mechanism, but it helps.

Still, it's a relief to see Merlin in the lunchroom after so long of not knowing what was happening to him. He looks uninjured, but Oswin knows the look of someone who's been pumped full of drugs all too well. Cautiously, she approaches, offering him a faint smile and trying not to give into her own relief. He still doesn't remember her properly yet, and she's got to be careful not to attract attention.]

D'you mind?

[Merlin's alright. He's tired and lonely, but that's normal for him by this point. He looks up when Oswin approaches, a little hesitant, but nods his approval all the same.

He doesn't remember a lot of what happened during that conversation, but she was familiar and kind, and he didn't have any other friends here.]

They don't want me to talk to you anymore.

[Oswin knows the feeling well. She's tired too and lonely and, deep down, scared out of her mind. She misses the Doctor and the TARDIS and traveling and curling up to sleep by his side every night.

But at the end of the day, she's a scrapper, a survivor. And if she could survive a year with the Daleks, she can do this for however much longer it takes for the Doctor to come for her.]

S'too bad for them, then. [Her voice is decidedly defiant as she settles down beside him.]

[A faint smile curves his lips upwards at that, and he watches her curiously for several minutes, thoughtful.]

Why don't you trust them?

[For a moment, she pushes her food around on her tray, wrinkling her nose before pushing it away. Oswin's appetite hasn't really been present at all in this place.

She looks over at Merlin.] 'Cause they're lying, obviously. [Her tone is decidedly matter-of-fact. Pausing, Oswin bites her lip.] Come on, don't you even just...know something? Something that's supposed to be true, even if everyone says it's not.

[Merlin's not exactly hungry himself. He's gotten in trouble in the past from not eating, as he's already pretty scrawny to begin with, but that conditioning has never really stuck for whatever reason.

He looks at Oswin curiously as she speaks, and something inside him resonates with her words.]

Yes. [Merlin is quiet for a moment.] But it's impossible.

Nah. [For the first time in weeks, she flashes a grin and for just a moment, all the tiredness in her eyes vanishes and she looks like the girl she was just a few weeks ago.] Just a bit unlikely.

[He stares at her for a moment, surprised, and a small smile appears on his face, hesitant and a little hopeful. He doesn't feel happy, per se, just...hopeful.]

...No one's ever told me that before.