staircasetotheclouds | and now for something completely different

and now for something completely different

[She hadn't even really thought about what she was doing when it had happened.

The abandoned starship they'd landed on had turned out to not be so abandoned as they'd thought, instead overrun with desperate humans who were utterly convinced they were hostile, no matter how hard Oswin and Jenny and the Doctor tried to persuade them otherwise. And now they'd been separated and Oswin had to find him, had to make sure he wasn't-

Oh.

He was.

Tearing around the corner, Oswin skids to a halt, her eyes widening as she catches sight of the Doctor pressed against a wall, the man nearby training a gun to his chest. She screams as the gunshot rings out, some instinct taking over, something so deep within her that even Oswin doesn't even know the source. Without a second thought, she throws herself between the bullet at the Doctor, causing it to find another target.

In Oswin's chest instead of his.

She crumples to the ground with a cry of agony, the man retreating once he's figured out he won't be able to get at what he came for.]

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[It's not exactly the most ideal way to go, the Doctor has to admit. But you know, it isn't his worst death either. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

But when the shot rings out, there's no pain. Strange.

And then he hears Oswin scream.]

No. No!

[The Doctor catches her as she crumples, bringing her down slowly to the ground and cradling her head in his lap.] No no no no, stay with me, it'll be alright...

[This can't be happening. Not again. Oh Rassilon why does everyone die for him?]

[Oh god, it hurts. It hurts so badly, but she'd take it a million times over if it meant keeping her Doctor safe. Besides, she'll be alright. People've been shot before and made it, and the Doctor is there. He's always saved her before.

Despite the burning pain, Oswin reaches up to touch his cheek with bloodied fingers, a breath rasping out of her.]

Doctor... [Help me. Take me back to the TARDIS where you can fix this.]

Shhh...it'll be alright, it'll--

[No. No. One hand grips her arm tightly and he swallows hard.] Breathe, stay with me, eyes on me.

[He already knows it's too late. The bullet's struck true and there's nothing he can do now but ease her through this. The Doctor's face crumples and he can't look at her. He looks down, fighting back the inevitable tears.]

[She tries to do what he says, but anything besides the shallowest of breaths blinds Oswin with red hot pain. Her gaze does remain on him though, her eyes somewhere between hopeful and confused.

Why are they still here? Why haven't they moved?]

What's...? Doc- [Oswin whimpers faintly in pain, her free hand fluttering to her chest. And when she pulls it away, there's so much blood, more than she'd thought, and-

Oh.

She can't ask out loud, but the question and the fear are clear in her eyes as she looks up at him.]

Oswin... [When he meets her eyes, he's crying, tears streaming unchecked now. He kisses her brow and holds her hand.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can do. Just...just...think of something nice. I'm here, alright, I'll stay here with you.

I...

[Oh god, no. No, she doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to. Her muddled mind doesn't even remember what she and Jenny had been doing, panic and fear overriding the rational part of her brain.]

Doctor, please. Help me... [He has to, doesn't he? It's what they've always done, why not this time? She's already almost died once, and he saved her then. What's different now?]

[He chokes on his grief and can't look at her. He can't help her.

What good is he if he can't even save the people that matter most to him? This was how Jenny died too, bleeding out from a bullet he should have taken and being so very brave in his arms. The Doctor's tears drip down onto her arm and still he doesn't wipe them away.]

Shhh, it's alright. Do you remember the first time I took you somewhere? [His fingers squeeze her hand tightly, free hand brushing her cheek.] Where did I take you, do you remember?

[Shakily, Oswin's hand reaches up to touch the Doctor's cheek, her thumb gently wiping away his tears as best as she can manage. As scared as she is, she hates to see him cry. It's only happened once or twice, and she hates it so much.

Even if he's got reason.

She whimpers again, trying to get the words out.] ...Field somewhere. With stars. [She'll never seen them again now, and Oswin closes her eyes against tears.

Not even the Doctor can help her now. And that's what scares her most.]

Right, that's right. [He swallows, leans into her touch a bit and brushes a strand of hair out of her face. He just has to help her through this, and then he can break down. He needs to be here for Oswin first.]

Do you remember, I laid out my coat on the grass and we laid back and watched them until you fell asleep.

[She nods, too weak to even grit her teeth against the pain. There's so much blood and Oswin can feel it leaving her, draining out with her life.

She doesn't have much time left.

Her eyes slide closed and Oswin exhales softly.]

...where're we going after this? [She'll never go there now, but maybe it'll be better if they pretend for just a little while that she might make it.] Better be somewhere good.

[The Doctor manages a small smile, shaky and weak as he strokes a hand through Oswin's hair.]

What do you think of...crystal waterfalls, hm? I never got around to seeing them myself but I've always wanted to. They say the sky is purple there, and the water is...so rich with minerals that it glistens like crystals.

[His voice shakes, but he manages to get it out. This is what he and Jenny did too.]

[If she closes her eyes, she can almost see them, those waterfalls. The Doctor and Jenny will see them, once they've...finished grieving. It sends a whole new wave of pain through Oswin's heart to know that she's leaving them, but at the very least, they won't be alone.

The Doctor's never well off alone. Not ever.

Oswin coughs, blood staining her lips and letting out a quiet moan.] Sounds brilliant.

[She's quiet for a long moment, her breathing getting shallower and shallower. Her voice is barely a whisper when she speaks again.] Why's it cold...?

[He just holds her, swallows back tears and wishes he could do more. It isn't fair for Oswin's life to be ended so prematurely, not fair that he has to face the guilt of losing another friend because of him.

How can he face Jenny and tell her that Oswin's gone? How can he even face his reflection knowing that yet another life has been lost to protect his?

The Doctor turns people into weapons, makes them more dangerous to themselves than to anyone else. He feels the burden of that truth even heavier than normal.

She whispers again, and he knows she's nearly gone now. He kisses her forehead softly.]

Because the sun is going down. [His response is a broken whisper.]

Edited 2013-09-16 04:34 (UTC)

[Oswin rests her head on his shoulder, a hand pressed to his chest over his hearts. She's fading, she can feel it. And she's terrified, so scared to actually die, to lose her second chance.

To lose her family.]

...My Doctor... [She murmurs and if you didn't know, she'd merely sound sleepy, like she always did before when they had laid like this.] Don't let it stay that way.

Edited 2013-09-16 04:38 (UTC)

[The Doctor kisses the top of her head again, wrapping his arms loosely around her and squeezing gently. Don't go.

He wants to beg her to live, scream at her, shake her until she stops dying and comes back to him, but it would do no good.]

I...I'll try.

You'd better.

[Her voice is just the barest whisper in his ear and with one last shuddering breath, Oswin's head drops onto his shoulder, the rest of her body slowly going limp as the life leaves her.]

Always have to have the last word, don't you?

[His tone is almost fond, but then he feels her stiffen in his arms, hears her breath stop and it's like his world is ending all over again.

He screams, presses his face into her shoulder and sobs. No. No. Not Oswin too, not his perfect snarky girl who understood him so well, who let herself into his bed just to calm him down from a nightmare, who was so alive and beautiful even in her broken way. The Doctor cradles her in his arms and begs her to come back, he can't lose her, not her too...

When Jenny finds them, he's still holding her tightly, staring blankly at her face and covered in her blood. Gentle touches and a soft voice are all he needs, and he obeys his daughter's suggestions without question, finally straightening up and carrying Oswin back with him to the TARDIS.

He brushes off Jenny's attempts to be reassuring. Laying Oswin's body down gently on a bed in the medical wing, he pulls up a chair and sits down beside her.]

I want to be alone with her. [He tells Jenny, and his voice is so lifeless and flat that it breaks her hearts but she leaves him be.

Jenny cries but she doesn't let him see it. Please, please let the regenerations take.]

[It's a long time, nearly half a day before it happens. Human bodies aren't meant to really do this, she needs time to recover first.

It's subtle, unnoticeable, but Oswin's lips slowly part as time passes by and once they've done so completely, she exhales softly, a wisp of golden light passing between her lips.]

[The Doctor has not stirred from his place. He doesn't sleep or read or eat, he just sits beside her and thinks.

Time Lords can think a great deal, after all.

His head is hanging and his eyes closed when he hears a soft sound, a breath. He lifts his head slowly and looks around, expecting to see Jenny hovering over him perhaps with a sandwich and tea, but no, he and Oswin are still alone.

Must have been nothing. He sighs and looks down at his lap again.]

[There's quiet again for another hour or so. It's a longer process than if it had been Jenny coming back, because Oswin is very much human and it takes her body longer to adjust.

The bullet wound's closed up, though, if anyone cares to take a closer look and after just a few moments more, Oswin's fingers twitch. She moans faintly, her head lolling to the side. It feels like she's been hit by...something big, and she's so tired.]

[The Doctor isn't looking at Oswin. It hurts too much. Her blood is still on his hands, his clothes, his face, but he doesn't clean himself up. He won't. It's all he has left of her. Jenny returns and tries to get him to eat something, to lie down, to wash up, but he won't move.

He's let someone else die. How can he just continue to live like nothing has happened?

The Doctor is lost in thought when he hears a new sound. Almost like...breathing. He looks up, glances behind him for Jenny, but there's nothing. Next comes the soft moan. He double checks, but he's still by himself.

The only other person it might be coming from is Oswin, but that's impossible, she's...

He swallows and lifts his gaze to her, just in time to see her head move. His hearts stop.]

...Oswin?

[Oh, there's a voice she knows. Oswin tries to speak, but all that comes out is another soft moan. She feels weighted down by her own exhaustion, unable to really move or speak.

She doesn't know it yet, but she's definitely going to need a few days worth of bedrest.

Memories of what had happened before she...passed out? Fell asleep? Before whatever had happened are fuzzy for now. Slowly, she opens her eyes, letting out a groan.]

Ooh, that was...not nice. [To put it lightly.]

Oswin. [He gapes, staring at her in open amazement.] But...But how...that's impossible!

[How's that for an image to wake up to? A bloodied, shocked Doctor.]

[Normally, she'd be thrilled at the chance to stump and mystify the Doctor, but at the moment, Oswin's still regaining her fuzzy, disoriented memories.

Once she catches sight of the blood, it's easier to remember.

Her heart aches suddenly, and a million thoughts rush to her mind. How long had she been...gone? What had happened while she was? Did Jenny know? Where was Jenny?

But no, she can't have answers to them now, not when the Doctor needed her to explain. Needed her in general. Slowly, her hand reaches out to take his, despite the fact that it's covered in her blood.] ...Not as much as you'd think, actually.

I...I don't understand.

[There's a lump rising in his throat of sheer relief, but he's still confused (and quite frankly, worried) about how this has even happened.]

You're--but you're--.

How?

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